By Wayne Allyn Root
It’s been three days since the Super Bowl ended. Silly you. You thought it was over. You actually thought Kansas City, Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift won. You might have even seen them out celebrating at a Las Vegas nightclub until 5 AM.
So, Kansas City had to be the winner of the Super Bowl, right?
There were lots of witnesses who saw KC win. Over 120 million watched just on television- the most watching a TV show since the 1969 moon landing. So, there were plenty of witnesses.
But it turns out everyone got it wrong.
KC only won at the end of the game. They had the 3-point lead 25-22. But what made you think that was final?
In the NFL, they’re allowed to keep counting for days past the final whistle. Didn’t you know that? No score is final in the NFL until all the scores have been counted in the locker room.
You don’t just play the game on the field. There’s also “mail-in scores.” And you have days after the final whistle to count them.
And today on the 3rd day after the Super Bowl ended, San Francisco got three mail-in touchdowns and a mail-in field goal.
It all happened in the middle of the night- with no witnesses.
The refs counting the scores suddenly found a water pipe explosion in the showers adjacent to the locker room and ordered everyone to go home for the night. They promised to not count scores until everyone came back in the morning.
Then they pasted pizza boxes on the windows of the locker room, so no one could see in, while they counted late scores.
When officials of the Kansas City Chiefs returned in the morning, they were shocked to find out they lost. It turns out the refs kept counting after all- with no witnesses.
And what they found was shocking.
In the middle of the night, they suddenly found a mail-in touchdown from an illegal alien wide receiver (they called him “an undocumented player”).
The refs also “football harvested” another mail-in touchdown by a dead running back.
Then at 3 AM a van pulled up that said “NFL” on the side and delivered another mail-in touchdown from a trans tight end who had moved to another team.
Finally, they checked the “football drop boxes” outside the stadium and found a mail-in field goal.
That’s three extra mail-in touchdowns and a mail-in field goal- all of them remarkably for San Francisco. WOW, San Francisco scored a lot of points after the game, when no one was watching. That’s really convenient. What a comeback!
That turned a 25-22 KC Chiefs victory into a 46-25 landslide for San Francisco.
Kansas City officials bitterly complained there were no witnesses in the locker room to verify these scores.
They also complained about illegal alien players scoring.
And dead players scoring.
And players scoring for the 49ers who no had recently moved to another team and no longer played for San Francisco. The player rolls have never been cleaned!
KC officials also complained about the 49ers “trans tight end” who was born a woman, but now identifies as a man.
They claim San Francisco’s trans tight end illegally touched balls.
Kansas City also complained there was no “signature match” on the footballs to prove they were official NFL scores.
Kansas City Head Coach Andy Reid complained, “And what about the pizza boxes on the windows? We tried to watch the counting of mail-in scores after the game, but we couldn’t see in the locker room.”
Taylor Swift warned she was going to write a song called “How Travis Kelce lost an unfair rigged Super Bowl.”
The media responded by calling Kansas City “sore losers” and “conspiracy theorists.”
Taylor Swift was fired by her record label.
Coach Andy Reid, Quarterback Patrick Mahomes and tight end Travis Kelce were all indicted by a San Francisco grand jury for trying to investigate a rigged football game.
The judge (who was a lifelong San Francisco 49ers fan) instructed the jury to “Send these brutes from Kansas City to prison for life for questioning the integrity of our amazing victory and spreading football misinformation.”
NFL Commissioner Roger “Rigged” Goodell reported that NFL owners voted to disqualify the Chiefs from any future Super Bowls because “that mean-spirited orange man” Coach Andy Reid gave a speech inspiring KC fans to riot.
The NFL Commissioner called Kansas City’s actions an “NFL insurrection.”
Does any of this sound absurd to you? Are you laughing out loud at this farce? This could never happen, right?
Except for elections.
This is EXACTLY how Democrats won the 2020 election. And many other elections since then.
The question remains, what are we going to do about it? Has anything changed since 2020? And how will we secure the 2024 election so this never happens again?
